The Power of Saying No: How Setting Boundaries Brings Freedom and Focus

"I did indeed start saying 'no.' Suddenly, I found it to be freeing. My life was calmer. With more peace came more focus, and I was also more intentional, especially with my writing."

When I was a college student, I kept highly active with extra-curricular activities in addition to my studies. I was the editor of my college newspaper, a class officer and member of the student government association, sang in the campus choir, participated in musicals, was a member of the Christian Student Movement, and belonged to various other groups. I managed to make good grades, but I was tired from burning the candle at both ends.

After graduating from college, I started working at my first professional full-time job. While trying to adjust to young adulthood and moving out on my own, having a new career, dedicating time to my church life, dating my steady boyfriend, and other interests such as my involvement in community theatre, my mental health began to suffer. I recognized the need to take better care of myself.

Years later, I became a wife and mother. Once more, I found myself spinning too many plates as I struggled to find a healthy work/life balance. My mental health suffered again; only this time, not only did it just affect me, but it also affected my husband and son.

Unfortunately, this cycle continued.

Sadly, it wasn’t until I was 50-something, that I FINALLY realized I had to start saying, “NO.”

I had to accept the fact that I wasn’t Wonder Woman. I was running myself ragged. The unhealthy cycle had to end. Due to my mental health, I was forced to get off the rollercoaster and start creating margins in my life. It was imperative that I make a change for my health’s sake.

First, thanks to the encouragement of my husband, I quit my job working in special education. I had worked in the field on and off for nearly three decades. I enjoyed working with children and adults with autism and other special needs, and still miss them, but I could no longer cope with that challenging work and hectic life. My busy lifestyle was too much for me.

I did indeed start saying “no.” Suddenly, I found it to be freeing. My life was calmer. With more peace came more focus, and I was also more intentional, especially with my writing.

Being more focused and intentional with our writing life is of the utmost importance. If we don’t set aside dedicated time to write, it just won’t happen. Once I was free from the self-imposed hustle and bustle, I was able to commit to my writing work.

There is power in saying no and setting boundaries. Our time is precious; it’s valuable. Setting boundaries is biblical. There’s a powerful verse about the significance of saying “no” with integrity and clarity.

“All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:37)

This verse is part of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. It demonstrates how we should be straightforward and truthful. We should let our “yes” mean yes and our “no” mean no without needing to justify or make excuses.

Imagine what would happen if you started saying no for a change. Would you be less stressed? Would you have more freedom? Would you have more time to write?

The following is from a PubMed Central article, titled “The Power of Saying No,” which was published through the National Library of Medicine.

“‘Yes’ is a positive and reassuring answer, and most people are happy to either give or receive it. But ‘yes’ can cause problems—overtime, overstretched resources, lower quality, and so on—when someone says yes too often and becomes overwhelmed with too many tasks.

An answer of ‘yes’ should only be given when the conditions of agreement fit within one’s personal and professional limits. Learning how to say “no” is a tool for developing these boundaries that are essential for a successful career. It takes courage to say no, but it maintains liberty by setting limits.”

Too often, we may find ourselves feeling guilty from saying no, but as the above article indicates and other scientific research shows, the art of saying no is necessary for maintaining boundaries.

We mustn’t feel guilty.

As Christians, most of us are naturally geared to helping and serving others, and that is an excellent quality. However, we must remember there are benefits to saying no. As I learned firsthand, saying no reduces stress and burnout. It improves mental health. It gives you more control of your schedule by acquiring better time management skills.

You can still help and serve others within limits. Just be mindful of your health and protect your writing time. Perhaps the best way we as Christian writers can be of service to mankind is through the mission of our writing. We are sharing gospel lessons and Christ’s love with the world. In essence, our writing is a ministry. It’s okay to say no to some things in order to say yes to our writing, our relationships with others, and especially our relationship with God.

After all, it’s truly God who holds the proverbial pen as we write our stories.

Remember there is power in saying no. I encourage you to evaluate your life. See what you can say “no” to. In doing so, you will likely find more freedom and focus in your writing life! Make your NO be as intentional as your YES.

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Kristy Ensor is a wife, mom, and an award-winning writer with a Communications/ Journalism degree. Former Editor-in-Chief of her college newspaper, Kristy's work has been featured in various blogs, magazines, anthologies, and a co-authored book. She regularly contributes to Journey, a devotional magazine from Lifeway Publishing. When not writing her next book, she enjoys spending time with family, coffee with friends, day trips in and around the Nashville area, and connecting with readers at kristyensor.com or on social media @thebackroaddiva.